The world as it is

Are we born ourselves and then traumatized to change and become someone else?

Or does trauma turn us into our true selves?

What even is a “true self”?

I’m convinced there isn’t one.

It makes me want to drop out. 

It makes me regret believing in psychology.

There is no “normal”, we’re all fucked up in our own way.

Some people just have the privilege of functioning with their shit.

There is no normal, not anymore.

The world is dying and sanity in a sense, is insanity. 

How can we be sane in a world of chaos?

A world that takes advantage everyday?

Where it’s everyone for themselves?

We’ve been taught the “golden rule” from a young age, yet trained that it’s everyone for themselves.

So is it “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”?

Or is it “do unto others before they do unto me”.

It’s not a race or a competition,

But we’ve been bred to believe it is.

And I don’t think we’re the problem.

The problem is the lack of control each of us have over our own lives, our own freedom, our own wellbeing. 

How can we focus on our happiness when we can’t even afford to eat?

The fact that basic needs have become a luxury is disgusting.

New generations understand this; voting doesn’t mean shit. 

Either way we’re fucked; our world is falling apart in every aspect, quite literally it’s dying around us.

So why are we expected to vote for presidents that are from the same generation that fucked this world?

Their “promises” mean nothing.

Their “plans” mean nothing.

Their “goals” mean even less.

They’ll be dead before most of us have children.

Why continue to ruin the world?

Because it already is… and they’re just pretending to clean it up.

They don’t care.

So why should we?

My Life

Every day I have to take medicine just to get out of bed.

Then some more to function in society.

Then two more pills to let me sleep,

But even then I don’t.

I often need a bump to take a shower or do laundry,

or have the motivation to simply brush my teeth.

At this point, you’re wondering-

Is she a drug addict, or just mentally ill?

I am both- or should I say borderline both?

I was hurt as a child, hurt beyond repair as they say.

At least beyond what I could repair.

I was never given the tools to stitch up my wounds.

They still lay open and often bleed.

Despite my efforts, I cannot heal them on my own.

I once used scar cream in an attempt to reduce the pain,

the pain I felt when seeing people wince at the look of them.

Obviously this didn’t help and my scars continue to haunt me,

increasing the guilt that isn’t mine.

I’m the one that carries this every day, not you.

How can I stop being a victim when this is all I know?

I suppose you taught me well.

You were simply preparing me for what was to come.

Bruising, concussions, and broken teeth.

And that’s just the beginning.

I’m unsure how to feel at this point-

Grateful for the preparation or hateful for never learning love?

I’d like to forgive and forget,

but you also taught me never to forgive.

Both in words and your actions.

You built my house on a faulty foundation,

with no escape plan.

Maybe you’re just sick too,

just too stubborn to realize it,

but at least I learned how to apologize.

You made me feel like a princess,

then threw me off the castle.

Some wounds are far too deep, it takes a lifetime to heal,

and I don’t think I can heal them on my own.

All I want is an apology… is that too much to ask?